Day 76: Sports Jokes

Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
This weekend was the big World Cup Final between Germany and Argentina . And if you only caught the last couple of minutes of the game, don’t worry, you saw the whole thing.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
It was an amazing weekend in sports. LeBron went back to being a Cavalier. Carmelo went back to being a Knick. And soccer went back to being a thing you drive your kids to.

Khloe Kardashian’s ex-husband, Lamar Odom has been cut from the NY Knicks. It’s the second time this year Lamar’s been dumped by a big loser.


Day 62: More World Cup Jokes

During the World Cup this weekend, Honduras scored a goal for the first time in 32 years. By the way, in soccer going 32 years without scoring is known as pulling a Conan.

After a tie with Portugal, the US soccer team now faces Germany on Thursday. If the US team beats Germany they advance. If they lose, America goes back to hating soccer again.


Day 60: Conan Futbol and Football Jokes

The US vs Ghana World Cup game drew a record 15.9 million American viewers. This breaks the old record of Americans watching soccer by 15.8 million.

A new report out of Chicago reveals that the crime rate plummets during an NFL game. Mainly because the most dangerous criminals are out on the field.

Prosecutors in the murder trial of former football star Aaron Hernandez are now saying his tattoos may be evidence of guilt. Particularly the one on his forearm that says, “I killed that dude.”


Day 58: World Cup Jokes

Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Congrats to the US soccer team for beating Ghana in the opening round of the World Cup. USA did the impossible: getting Americans to watch soccer.

Late Show with David Letterman
How about the World Cup? Are you watching the World Cup? Soccer is one of those things that the world cares more about than we do. Like healthcare, education, gun control.

At the World Cup, Mexico and Brazil ended in a 0-0 tie. And fun fact, both teams were ordered by their coaches to abstain from sex. In other words, these guys can’t score on and off the field.

Several protesters at the World Cup got in trouble for burning American flags. It’s a shame because children in China worked very hard to make those flags.