Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Wal-Mart announced that in the next six months it will increase its hourly employee’s hourly wages by 40%. Workers are pretty excited because they’ll finally make enough money to shop at Target.
Conan
IKEA announced they’re going to come out with furniture that will charge your electronic devices. Next up for IKEA? Furniture that will last more than two for years.
Conan
A new study that just came out reveals that women are more attracted to a man who’s already had a girlfriend or two. Coincidentally, men are also attracted to a woman who’s had a girlfriend or two.
Late Night with Seth Meyers
A couple in Ohio is facing theft charges after they were caught stealing four vibrators from a Walmart on Monday night. But their lawyer is pretty confident they’ll get off.
Conan
A 14 year-old Texas boy lived in a Walmart for four days before he was discovered. Employees got suspicious when they noticed something in a Walmart that was made in America.
In a new survey, United was named America’s worst airline. Or as United reported it, “We’re Number 1.”
Conan
In Croatia, at an animal sanctuary, two bears have been engaging in oral sex. Zookeepers got them to stop by making the bears get married.
Late Night with Seth Meyers
An Oklahoma man was arrested for masturbating at a local Walmart. In his defense, he was in the self-checkout line.
Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Dr. Dre got $3 billion from Apple. He’s actually the first doctor to make any money since Obamacare passed.
I saw that the cast of Duck Dynasty might launch their own children’s clothing line. They say it makes the perfect gift for your son, nephew, or little brother. Which on Duck Dynasty is usually the same person.
Conan
This past quarter, the US Post Office reported a $2 billion loss. The Post Office lost all that money because it’s been sending everything FedEx.
In North Dakota, a woman gave birth in a Walmart parking lot, which is surprising because you usually find labor at a Home Depot parking lot.
Late Night with Seth Meyers
The Tampa Bay Rays have introduced a new concession called the “Fan vs Food Burger,” which is a four-pound burger served with a pound of french fries, and two tickets to a future game if you finish the whole thing. Though, if you finish the whole thing, you’re probably not a guy who thinks too much about the future.
A woman in London has started organizing orgies for people in their 60s. Apparently, the way it works is, you read your book in bed next to several different partners.
There’s a new study that suggests that legalizing marijuana does not cause a rise in crime. Because, of course, crime takes effort.
A new study on unemployment shows it is now harder to get a job at Walmart than to get accepted at Harvard. Of course, it’s a lot easier if your dad went to Walmart.
The entertainment site Indiewire is claiming that the film Magic Mike, will get a sequel called Magic Mike XXL, unless it’s really cold in the theater.