Day 169: Breasts Jokes

Conan
California has become the first state in the nation to ban the use of plastic bags. Governor Jerry Brown said plastic no place in California unless it’s in our residence’s faces or breasts.

The show Jeopardy is being called sexist for presenting a category called “What Women Want.” To make things worse, Alex Tribec referred to a female contestant’s breasts as the Daily Double.

 

Day 154: Anal Sex 101 at Harvard Jokes

Late Night with Seth Meyers
Harvard University has started offering a class as part of its annual sex week called Anal Sex 101…

…the class is being offered once a year, on your birthday, if you’re lucky.

…the university says the class should help prepare students for when their student loans come due.

…which answers the question: is there anything harder to get into than Harvard.

Day 148: Baby and Relationship Jokes

Conan
Researchers believe they’ve developed a condom-free form of male birth control. It’s called a crying baby on an airplane.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
A new study suggests that the key to having a perfect relationship is kissing 5 times a day, admitting fault after an argument, and having sex twice a week. While the average relationship involves 5 times a day, kissing twice a week, and admitting fault after sex.

 

Day 126: Man Masturbates on Plane

Late Night with Seth Meyers
A flight from Boston to Los Angeles had to make an emergency landing in Nebraska because one of the passengers was caught masturbating on the plane. Witnesses said the man was in the upright and locked position.

…Reached for comment the man said, “I just flew in from Boston and boy is my arm tired.”

 

Day 113: Sex Jokes

Conan
A new study that just came out reveals that women are more attracted to a man who’s already had a girlfriend or two. Coincidentally, men are also attracted to a woman who’s had a girlfriend or two.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
A couple in Ohio is facing theft charges after they were caught stealing four vibrators from a Walmart on Monday night. But their lawyer is pretty confident they’ll get off.

 

Day 112: Cute Animal Jokes

Conan
Five geckos sent into space as part of an experiment have all died. On the bright side, they were able to save 15% on their car insurance.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
A former zookeeper has started a cat circus called, Cirque du Pussy. It features trained cats and incredibly disappointed audience members.

 

Day 105: Sex Jokes

Conan
Scientists revealed that an apple a day could improve a woman’s sexual satisfaction. Apparently, the scientists have never heard of something called a banana.

A company has come out with a ring for your penis that measures how many calories you burn during sex. And yes guys, it also works on your wrist.