Day 287: Presidential Hopeful Jokes

In an interview, Hillary Clinton said she likes nearly every flavor of ice cream. When he heard this, Chris Christie said she stole his speech.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
Rick Perry said recently that Boy Scouts would be better off if they didn’t have openly gay Scoutmasters. Between the Boy Scouts and gay marriage, Republicans really don’t want gays tying the knot….

Day 53: Politics & Porn

Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said she wants to travel and won’t make any announcements about her plans to run for president until 2015. When asked where she’ll travel, she said New Hampshire, Iowa, maybe spend a few months in Florida….

In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said she and her husband were dead broke when they left the White House. Hillary said things were so bad the two of them had to share a bedroom.

A new study found that people who watch a lot of porn have smaller brains. So now we know why the plots are always so simple.

Scientists found a 16-foot shark they call the Colossal Great White. By the way, Colossal Great White used to be my porn name.


Day 5: Texas Blackberrys

Late Night with Seth Meyers
T-Mobile announced that it will no longer sell BlackBerry phones after April 25, 2014. The announcement came as a shock to BlackBerry owners who said, “It’s 2014?”

Firefighters in the UK rescued a 16 year-old girl after she got stuck in a storm drain while trying to retrieve her BlackBerry. Isn’t that crazy? A teenager with a BlackBerry.

I like how Texans abbreviate things. “How do you do” became “Howdy,” “You all” became “Y’all,” and hell on Earth became El Paso.

I learned that your governor, Rick Perry, got his degree in animal husbandry, had has own father-in-law perform his own vasectomy, and in the 80s his nickname was “Crotch.” As a late night comedian, Texas, I’m begging you, please make this guy run for President.

Southwest is headquartered in Dallas. In honor of this being the headquarters of Southwest Airlines, the show will be delayed for 2 hours.