Tag: ObamaCare

Day 232: Ted Cruz Jokes

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The Tonight Show Starring Fallon
Presidential candidate Ted Cruz said that he will be signing up for Obamacare despite saying earlier he wants to repeal every word of it. That’s a good thing he’s signing up for it because Cruz just went to the hospital in hypocritical condition.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
Former President George W. Bush was in Dallas last week raising money for his brother’s, Jeb’s, presidential run. And here’s how he’s going to do it: he plans to raise the money by campaigning for Ted Cruz.

 King Arthur: Legend of the Sword 2017 movie streaming

Day 217: Political Jokes

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Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
New defense secretary Ashton Carter said that he’s open to letting transgender people serve in the military. He says there’s no reason to prevent people from being generals just because of their privates.

Conan
Republicans in Congress have unveiled a new alternative to Obamacare. It’s called dying.

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Day 36: Business Jokes

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Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Dr. Dre got $3 billion from Apple. He’s actually the first doctor to make any money since Obamacare passed.

I saw that the cast of Duck Dynasty might launch their own children’s clothing line. They say it makes the perfect gift for your son, nephew, or little brother. Which on Duck Dynasty is usually the same person.

Conan
This past quarter, the US Post Office reported a $2 billion loss. The Post Office lost all that money because it’s been sending everything FedEx.

In North Dakota, a woman gave birth in a Walmart parking lot, which is surprising because you usually find labor at a Home Depot parking lot.

 

Day 11: Obamacare, Clintons, and Insomnia

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Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
After handling the bumpy rollout of the Obamacare website, Kathleen Sebelius announced her resignation. Which explains why being thrown under the bus is now covered under Obamacare.

Conan
In a new interview that just came out, Hillary Clinton said the first time Bill Clinton proposed, she said no. Hillary said the reason is, he didn’t propose marriage, he proposed a threesome.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia are at higher risk of a stroke. So that information should finally help you get some sleep.

Day 3: Variety Pack of Jokes

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Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
[March 31] was the big deadline for Obamacare. If you still haven’t enrolled you might have to pay a penalty called the Individual Shared Responsibility Payment, which is 1% of your salary. Then Americans said, “Man, good thing I don’t have a job.”

Late Show with David Letterman
Anyone seen Noah? It’s a blockbuster. A lot of people say it’s not accurate, especially the part where the ark hits the iceberg.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
Tiger Woods announced he won’t play in the Masters because he is recovering from back surgery. His doctors have told him to avoid swinging, and also golf.