Conan
The Tinder app is now available in North Korea. It’s a little different over there. All of the photos are of Kim Jong-un. You swipe right if you think he’s attractive and you swipe left if you want to die.
A company is developing a version of Tinder for Catholics. It’s the first dating app where if you like someone, you swipe up, down, left, and right.
Conan
Last week, the 89 year-old queen of England met her new great granddaughter for the first time. Both cried a little, burped, then went to sleep.
This year, North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-Un has reportedly had 15 of his top officials executed. So the lesson here is when Kim Jong-Un comes into work with new haircut, you tell him, “Looking good , Un.”
Conan
A new school textbook in North Korea claims that Kim Jong Un learned to drive at the age of 3. The other thing he learned to do at the age of 3 was cut his own hair.
Somebody has launched balloons carrying thousands of copies of the film, “The Interview,” over North Korea. North Koreans are now waiting for balloons carrying DVD players and electricity.live streaming film T2 Trainspotting online
Conan
North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un has not appeared in public in weeks and there are rumors he’s sick due to too much cheese, fried chicken, and beer. Sounds like someone is applying for American citizenship.
Late Night with Seth Meyers
North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un resurfaced after more than a month out of the public eye. U.S. officials think the reason no one saw him for so long is that he was starring in an NBC sitcom.
Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
During a townhall meeting, Chris Christie said he vetoed a higher minimum wage in New Jersey because it was “Too much, too soon.” Incidentally, “Too much, too soon” was also the weight listed on Christie’s birth certificate.
Conan
North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un has been reelected with 100% of the votes. He said he hasn’t been this happy since he scored 700,000 on the SATs.
Last week North Korea held its annual marathon. So congratulations to first, second, and third place winner Kim Jong-un.
Conan
In a recent survey, 84% of Americans were unable to locate Ukraine on a map. When he heard this, Vladimir Putin said, “That’s easy, it’s in Russia now.”
According to a new report, China now watches more porn than the U.S. Finally, China is consuming something that is made in our country.
Late Night with Seth Meyers
North Korea introduced its first state-funded smartphone known as the Pyongyang Touch; which I believe is also something you can order at a massage parlor in Brooklyn.