Day 17: Chelsea Clinton Jokes

Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Chelsea Clinton announced last week that she is expecting her first child. If it’s a girl, it’s going to get some of Chelsea’s old hand-me-downs. And, if it’s a boy, it’s going to get some of Hillary’s.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
Chelsea Clinton has announced she is pregnant with her first child. The baby is expected to crawl after 9 months and run in 2055.

Late Show with David Letterman
Hillary Clinton is going to be a grandmother. She’s very excited about it — she’s home right now knitting a tiny pantsuit.

NBC Chief Has Every Confidence in Fallon

NBC’s Chief Executive Steve Burke has expressed extreme confidence in Jimmy Fallon’s ability to hold his own against whomever takes over for David Letterman. Burke also dismissed reports suggesting Leno might go for the Late Show, citing that Leno is still in talks with NBC about doing specials.

Read the full article in AP.

Never Too Late for Burbank

New York took The Tonight Show┬áso what about Burbank taking the Late Show? In a sign that SoCal’s entertainment industry is a priority of Mayor Eric Garcetti’s administration, he asked CBS Chief Executive Leslie Moonves to consider moving the Late Show to Los Angeles.

Read the full article in the Los Angeles Times.

Colbert, Ferguson, Rumored to Take Letterman Spot

Popular speculation has it that Stephen Colbert is a likely candidate to succeed David Letterman when he retires in 2015, CBS however has not commented. Craig Ferguson, host of the Late Late Show┬áthat follows Letterman isn’t seen as a viable contender, but his contract apparently includes a clause giving him $8 to $12 million if not given the Late Show.

Read the full article in Variety.

Day 4: Potpourri

Late Show with David Letterman
The population of New York City has grown by a quarter of a million people. And, most of those people: talk show hosts.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
The official presidential candidate for the Ukrainian Internet Party is a man dressed in a Darth Vader costume. Not to be confused with the president of Russia who is Darth Vader in a man costume.

The Department of Agriculture is encouraging grandparents to read their grandchildren bedtime stories about nutrition. Stories like, “Goodnight Kale,” “James and the Giant Organic Peach,” and “The Little Engine that Could Thanks to His High Fiber Diet.”

Day 3: Variety Pack of Jokes

Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
[March 31] was the big deadline for Obamacare. If you still haven’t enrolled you might have to pay a penalty called the Individual Shared Responsibility Payment, which is 1% of your salary. Then Americans said, “Man, good thing I don’t have a job.”

Late Show with David Letterman
Anyone seen Noah? It’s a blockbuster. A lot of people say it’s not accurate, especially the part where the ark hits the iceberg.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
Tiger Woods announced he won’t play in the Masters because he is recovering from back surgery. His doctors have told him to avoid swinging, and also golf.