Day 3: Variety Pack of Jokes

Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
[March 31] was the big deadline for Obamacare. If you still haven’t enrolled you might have to pay a penalty called the Individual Shared Responsibility Payment, which is 1% of your salary. Then Americans said, “Man, good thing I don’t have a job.”

Late Show with David Letterman
Anyone seen Noah? It’s a blockbuster. A lot of people say it’s not accurate, especially the part where the ark hits the iceberg.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
Tiger Woods announced he won’t play in the Masters because he is recovering from back surgery. His doctors have told him to avoid swinging, and also golf.

Day 2: All Seth Meyers Jokes

Late Night with Seth Meyers
The Tampa Bay Rays have introduced a new concession called the “Fan vs Food Burger,” which is a four-pound burger served with a pound of french fries, and two tickets to a future game if you finish the whole thing. Though, if you finish the whole thing, you’re probably not a guy who thinks too much about the future.

A woman in London has started organizing orgies for people in their 60s. Apparently, the way it works is, you read your book in bed next to several different partners.

There’s a new study that suggests that legalizing marijuana does not cause a rise in crime. Because, of course, crime takes effort.

A new study on unemployment shows it is now harder to get a job at Walmart than to get accepted at Harvard. Of course, it’s a lot easier if your dad went to Walmart.

The entertainment site Indiewire is claiming that the film Magic Mike, will get a sequel called Magic Mike XXL, unless it’s really cold in the theater.