Conan
McDonald’s announced they are simplifying their menu to speed up service. When asked why, a McDonald’s spokesperson said, “Because our customers don’t have much time left.”
KFC is planning to bring back Colonel Sanders. Because if there’s one thing that will bring Americans together right now, it’s an old white guy dressed as a plantation owner.
Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
KFC has teamed up with scientists in the UK to create edible coffee cups made with cookies and wrapped in sugar. It’s perfect if you want to wake up and give up at the same time.
Conan
Bill Gates is trying to develop clean drinking water made from human waste. The last time someone tried to make something drinkable from human waste, we ended up with Sunny D.
Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Kraft Foods is recalling 96,000 pounds of Oscar Meyer hot dogs because they may contain cheese, which could be dangerous for people with dairy allergies. Oscar Meyer recommended customers try their regular hot dogs, which are only dangerous for people allergic to hooves.
Conan
Domino’s debut a new pizza where instead of dough, they’re using fried chicken. It’s called Domino’s-Deep-Dish-You’re-All-Going-to-Die.
Conan
As a prom night promotion, KFC is offering corsages made out of fried chicken. But guys, be warned: If you give your date a chicken corsage your prom night will definitely be boneless.
What’s better than KFC and Game of Thrones? I can’t think of anything else. Can you?