The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Zayn Malik announced he is officially leaving One Direction. They asked him, “Where are you going,” and he said, “Another direction.”
Conan
Justin Bieber announced he’s working with Kanye West on a new album. It’s called, “Who do you hate more?”
The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water live streaming film
Conan
Justin Bieber has reportedly met with a rabbi to explore Judaism. After meeting with Justin Bieiber, the rabbi is exploring Atheism.
Late Night with Seth Meyers
Justin Bieber will reportedly spend the next two weeks with a pastor to learn how to spread the word of God. It won’t be easy but I think it will make me a better person, said the pastor.
Conan
Musician Kenny G tweeted his support of the Hong Kong protesters and now China’s communist government is mad at him. It’s serious — China has threatened to pull Kenny G’s music out of all of its elevators.
A list of the happiest countries is out and the United States is number 14. Canada came in way ahead of us, in 9th. However, those rankings reverse when Justin Bieber’s back in Canada.
Conan
A Russian man has repelled a bear attack by playing his Justin Bieber ringtone. The man’s okay but the bear’s in critical condition.
Late Night with Seth Meyers
A man in Russia was saved during a bear attack after his Justin Bieber ringtone went off and scared the bear away. Of course, the only thing worse than being eaten by a bear is everyone finding out you have a Justine Bieber ringtone.
Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Orlando Bloom apparently threw a punch at Justin Bieber during an argument at a nightclub. Orlando’s hand was pretty sore today…from all the high-fives he got.
Conan
Floating in another galaxy, scientists have found a diamond the size of Earth. In a related story, Beyonce is building a spaceship.
Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Tim Tebow said that he’s staying in shape in case he gets another opportunity to play for the NFL. Then his boss said, “That’s great, but these Waffle Tacos ain’t going to make themselves.”
Conan
According to a new poll, Donald Sterling has just passed Justin Bieber as the most hated man in America. When he heard this, Justin Bieber was thrilled because he’s finally being considered a man.
Using advanced facial recognition software, the NSA is collecting millions of images of people’s faces a day. And that’s just to keep up with Bruce Jenner.