Day 298: Presidential Candidate Jokes

Conan
Many of the Republican candidates said they use a Fitbit. Jeb Bush uses his to determine how much distance he can put himself and his last name.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
A new CNN poll shows that Donald Trump is polling within 6 points of Hillary Clinton. It’s the closest Trump has ever gotten to a woman over 40.

Day 294: More Donald Trump Presidential Jokes

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
According to an online poll, Donald Trump is still the frontrunner in the Republican Primary Race. That’s very impressive because it’s the only race he hasn’t offended yet.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
Donald Trump gave a speech recently where he accused Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton of being under the control of lobbyists, special interests, and deep pocketed donors. Trump says we should vote for him because he’s not under control at all.

Day 287: Presidential Hopeful Jokes

Conan
In an interview, Hillary Clinton said she likes nearly every flavor of ice cream. When he heard this, Chris Christie said she stole his speech.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
Rick Perry said recently that Boy Scouts would be better off if they didn’t have openly gay Scoutmasters. Between the Boy Scouts and gay marriage, Republicans really don’t want gays tying the knot….

Day 268: Political Jokes

Conan
Due to the drought, California governor Jerry Brown has cut back on bathing. As a result, Californians have cut back on hanging out with Jerry Brown.

Over the weekend, Hillary Clinton supported raising the federal minimum wage to $15/hour. She said every American should be able to afford to attend one of her speeches.

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Director : James Foley.
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Release : February 8, 2017
Country : United States of America.
Production Company : Universal Pictures.
Language : English.
Runtime : 118 min.
Genre : Drama, Romance.

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Day 108: Political Jokes

Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
There’s a group of conservatives that have launched a new social media site for Republicans called ReaganBook, after Facebook. I guess they thought it was better than the original name, MyBush.

Conan
After attacking president Obama’s foreign policy, Hillary Clinton now says she wants to “hug it out.” When he heard this, Bill Clinton told the President, “Take it from me, you’re not going to get anymore than that.

 

Day 69: Naughty Bill Clinton Jokes

Conan
A new poll shows that Bill Clinton is the most admired president of the last 25 years. When asked to comment, Bill Clinton said, “I’ll give you a poll to admire.”

Political analysts are saying that Hillary Clinton should stop telling people she’s poor. They also said Bill Clinton should stop telling people he’s single.

 

Day 64: Bill and Hillary Clinton Jokes

Conan
Mitt Romney recently said that Hillary Clinton is clueless. When he heard this, Bill Clinton said, “I wish.”

Late Night with Seth Meyers
During her book tour, Hillary Clinton was asked if she would try marijuana if it were legal and answered, “I didn’t do it when I was young, I’m not going to start now.” Then Bill Clinton said, “I wish I had a nickel every time I heard that.”

 

Day 53: Politics & Porn

Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said she wants to travel and won’t make any announcements about her plans to run for president until 2015. When asked where she’ll travel, she said New Hampshire, Iowa, maybe spend a few months in Florida….

Conan
In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said she and her husband were dead broke when they left the White House. Hillary said things were so bad the two of them had to share a bedroom.

A new study found that people who watch a lot of porn have smaller brains. So now we know why the plots are always so simple.

Scientists found a 16-foot shark they call the Colossal Great White. By the way, Colossal Great White used to be my porn name.