Day 278: Facebook Jokes

Conan
Facebook has revealed a new option to help their users keep their private information secure. The option is sign off of Facebook.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
Facebook says it has developed technology to recognize people’s faces even if their features are obstructed. So finally, it will be able to recognize your mom no matter how much of her thumb is in the picture.

Day 186: 2014 In Review

Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Facebook revealed that Ebola was the most popular Facebook topic in the U.S. this year, with the World Cup coming in sixth. So welcome to America where even Ebola is more popular than soccer.

Conan
One of the most popular YouTube videos of 2014 was apparently a video of strangers kissing one another. And if you like strangers kissing each other you’ll really like something called porn.

Day 177: Tech Jokes

Conan
Developers are working on a new app that gives you a ten second warning before an earthquake. The app is called, “Too late.”

Facebook is reportedly introducing a version of its website designed to be used at work. The new version of Facebook is called Facebook.

 

Day 48: Tech Jokes

Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Facebook is working on a new option that will allow kids under the age of 13 to use the site. While kids under the age of 13 are currently using the old option that lets you lie.

Conan
Apple announced a new feature that will let your iPhone monitor your diet and track your calorie intake. Or you can pay extra for an iPhone to mind its own business.

Jimmy Kimmel Live
Apple unveiled two new operating systems, one for the iPhone and one for the Mac called Yosemite. iOS 8 has a built-in app called HealthKit that monitors your heart rate, your weight, your sleep, and if you sit on it, it’ll even give you a colonoscopy.

Day 38: Social Media Jokes

Conan
An optometrist is saying Google Glass can cause sharp eye pain. Especially when people see you wearing it and punch your face in.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
Facebook has acquired a new mobile app that would allow users to track their exercise and measure how many calories they’ve burned. So if you love Facebook and you love exercise, you’re lying about one of those things.

The president of social media site Buzzfeed announced he was stepping down. When asked why he was leaving Buzzfeed, he listed 37 reasons that will blow your mind.

Texas police arrested a 31 year-old woman after she enrolled in high school as a 15 year-old sophomore. Police became suspicious when they noticed she wasn’t texting in class.