Day 298: Presidential Candidate Jokes

Conan
Many of the Republican candidates said they use a Fitbit. Jeb Bush uses his to determine how much distance he can put himself and his last name.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
A new CNN poll shows that Donald Trump is polling within 6 points of Hillary Clinton. It’s the closest Trump has ever gotten to a woman over 40.

Day 296: Donald Trump Presidential Jokes, Again

Conan
At Ohio State University, it has just announced that a tiny human brain has been grown in a lab. And, it has already announced its support for Trump as president.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
Donald Trump said that some of his sexist comments were made when nobody cared who he was. That’s right, his comments were made next year.

Day 294: More Donald Trump Presidential Jokes

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
According to an online poll, Donald Trump is still the frontrunner in the Republican Primary Race. That’s very impressive because it’s the only race he hasn’t offended yet.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
Donald Trump gave a speech recently where he accused Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton of being under the control of lobbyists, special interests, and deep pocketed donors. Trump says we should vote for him because he’s not under control at all.

Day 293: Donald Trump Presidential Jokes

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
A top aide to Donald Trump said he quit the campaign because of Trump’s public feuds, but Trump said he was fired. When asked what he was fired for, Trump said for quitting.

Conan
Despite all of his sexist comments, a new poll reveals that 20% of Republican women still support Donald Trump. When asked why, the women said because he’s paying them alimony.

Day 274: Donald Trump Presidential Jokes

Conan
Donald Trump announced he’s running for president. Which, by the way, traditionally means an additional 6 weeks of comedy.

Donald Trump is running for president. Political analysts are saying as a candidate, Donald Trump is a totally unqualified nuisance. In other words, he’s a legitimate contender for the Republican nomination.

Day 132: Conan at Work

Conan
Bad news for Donald Trump — Trump Entertainment and Resorts declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Or as Donald Trump describes Chapter 11, back-to-back number one’s.

White Castle has confirmed that it is opening a restaurant in Vegas. It’s perfect for people in Vegas looking for one more bad choice to make while drunk.

The CEO of JetBlue said he’d be stepping down in February. Of course it being JetBlue his actual departure could be until March.