Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Putin pick-up lines:
Do your legs hurt? Because you’ve been running from my military all night.
Is your father a baker? Because I would wait in breadline for three days for you.
Are you an angel? Because I thought I had killed you months ago.
Late Night with Seth Meyers
The Kremlin announced that Vladimir Putin and his wife have officially divorced. Over their 30 year marriage, the couple shared two daughters, several homes, and one laugh.
A global sex survey found that 86% of left-handed people reported that they were extremely satisfied with their sex lives, as opposed to 15% of right-handed people. I guess because it feels like somebody else is doing it.
One of my favorite Texas sayings is “All Hat No Cattle.” Which is awkward because that’s also my porn name.
Dallas is known for its strip clubs so last night I visited one. It was great. I got to meet all the Dallas Cowboys in person.