Conan
Last week was Bill Clinton‘s birthday. Hillary sent Bill an e-birthday card then out of habit she deleted it.
There’s a new high tech device that helps you avoid getting a sunburn. It’s called a house.
Tag: Bill Clinton
Day 275: Hillary Clinton Presidential Jokes
Conan
Mitt Romney recently called Hillary Clinton an elitist who doesn’t believe what she’s saying. In other words, Mitt Romney endorsed Hillary Clinton.
Hillary Clinton revealed her Spotify playlist includes Katy Perry, Kelly Clarkson, and Jennifer Lopez. Meanwhile, Bill Clinton revealed his to-do list includes Katy Perry….watch movie Sherlock: The Final Problem 2017 now
Day 108: Political Jokes
Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
There’s a group of conservatives that have launched a new social media site for Republicans called ReaganBook, after Facebook. I guess they thought it was better than the original name, MyBush.
Conan
After attacking president Obama’s foreign policy, Hillary Clinton now says she wants to “hug it out.” When he heard this, Bill Clinton told the President, “Take it from me, you’re not going to get anymore than that.
Day 101: Bill Clinton Birthday Jokes
Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Happy birthday to former president Bill Clinton — he turned 68 this week. Or as he calls it, “One away from the fun one.”
Conan
Earlier this week, it was Bill Clinton’s birthday. I hope it’s better than last year’s, when he looked longingly at the candles on the cake and said, “At least something’s getting blown on my birthday.”
Day 69: Naughty Bill Clinton Jokes
Conan
A new poll shows that Bill Clinton is the most admired president of the last 25 years. When asked to comment, Bill Clinton said, “I’ll give you a poll to admire.”
Political analysts are saying that Hillary Clinton should stop telling people she’s poor. They also said Bill Clinton should stop telling people he’s single.
Day 64: Bill and Hillary Clinton Jokes
Conan
Mitt Romney recently said that Hillary Clinton is clueless. When he heard this, Bill Clinton said, “I wish.”
Late Night with Seth Meyers
During her book tour, Hillary Clinton was asked if she would try marijuana if it were legal and answered, “I didn’t do it when I was young, I’m not going to start now.” Then Bill Clinton said, “I wish I had a nickel every time I heard that.”
Day 53: Politics & Porn
Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said she wants to travel and won’t make any announcements about her plans to run for president until 2015. When asked where she’ll travel, she said New Hampshire, Iowa, maybe spend a few months in Florida….
Conan
In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said she and her husband were dead broke when they left the White House. Hillary said things were so bad the two of them had to share a bedroom.
A new study found that people who watch a lot of porn have smaller brains. So now we know why the plots are always so simple.
Scientists found a 16-foot shark they call the Colossal Great White. By the way, Colossal Great White used to be my porn name.
Day 30: Clinton Jokes
Conan
Bill Clinton calls himself a vegan but he reportedly cheats on his diet. He also calls himself married.
Monica Lewinsky is in the new issue of Vanity Fair talking about the Bill Clinton scandal. Unfortunately, they decided to name the piece “Monica Opens Up.”
Late Night with Seth Meyers
The Christian Science Monitor is claiming that Hillary Clinton will be a tad less interested in running for president now that she’s about to be a grandmother. And if you put a grain of sand in your pocket, there’s a tad less sand on the beach.
Day 11: Obamacare, Clintons, and Insomnia
Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
After handling the bumpy rollout of the Obamacare website, Kathleen Sebelius announced her resignation. Which explains why being thrown under the bus is now covered under Obamacare.
Conan
In a new interview that just came out, Hillary Clinton said the first time Bill Clinton proposed, she said no. Hillary said the reason is, he didn’t propose marriage, he proposed a threesome.
Late Night with Seth Meyers
A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia are at higher risk of a stroke. So that information should finally help you get some sleep.
Day 8: NCAA and Political Social Media
Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Congrats to the UConn Huskies on beating Kentucky to win the NCAA championship. Dozens of UConn students were arrested after they smashed windows and broke street lights while celebrating their team’s win. People in Connecticut haven’t gotten that rowdy since J. Crew had a sale on pocket squares.
Late Night with Seth Meyers
Today more than 100 advocates came to Washington to lobby for the legalization of marijuana for medicinal purposes. While another 10,000 marijuana advocates thought it was next Tuesday.
Conan
The Obama White House may soon ban the taking of selfies with the president. When he heard this, Bill Clinton said he remembered when selfies with the president had a whole different meaning.
It’s true, the White House may ban people from taking selfies with the president. Not only that, the White House now has photobomb-sniffing dogs.