Day 97: The Tech of Dating Jokes

Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
They’re bringing back the 1950’s game show “To Tell the Truth,” back to television. It’s a game where almost everyone is lying and you need to guess which one isn’t. Or as we call it, online dating.

According to a dating app, Amazon employees are more desirable than employees at other tech companies. Plus, if you sleep with one, they’ll recommend someone else you might also like sleeping with.


Day 61: Smartphone Jokes

Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Dominos has a new voice-activated iPhone app similar to Siri that will help customers order pizza. You just speak your order into the phone. Or as it’s called now, ordering a pizza.

Amazon introduced its own smartphone. You can tell it’s from Amazon because after you hang up with someone, Amazon suggests other people you may want to call.

Late Night with Seth Meyers
A new study shows that men who carry their cell phone in their pocket have a sperm count nearly 10% lower than those that don’t. While men who carry their cell phone on a belt clip don’t need to worry about it.


Day 59: Amazon Fire and Starbucks Jokes

Jimmy Kimmel Live
Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos unveiled the company’s first ever smartphone, called the Fire Phone. The way it works is there are four infrared cameras on the front of the phone that track your head movements and the phone adjusts to make it appear as if the images are three dimensional. It’s funny: If the government announced it was going to equip us with a device that monitors our location and tracks our eye movement we’d be furious, but when a website does it we ask, “Can I get it in gold?”

Late Night with Seth Meyers
Starbucks announced a new program that will pay employees to take online classes at Arizona State. Said Starbucks employees, “We already went there, that’s why we work at Starbucks.”

Starbucks announced it’s going to make it possible for thousands of its employees to go to college. The CEO said there’s nothing like a four-year liberal arts degree to ensure they’re end up back here working at Starbucks.


Day 1: Ikea and CEO Jokes

Jimmy Kimmel Live!
On Friday night a 5.1 magnitude earthquake and a bunch of its friends hit La Habra, which is about 25 miles south of us here in Hollywood. Earthquakes are God’s reminder that you shouldn’t be sleeping in a bed from Ikea.

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Time Warner announced that their CEO will resign at the end of the year. They say they would have done it sooner, but that was the earliest they could get a technician to come out and install a replacement.

Jeff Bezos, the CEO of, bought the Washington Post for $250 million. Yeah, it was weird — he just walked into the Post’s headquarters and said, “Add to cart.”