Conan
Senator Ted Cruz said if elected president, he would host a Cuban pig roast on the White House lawn. Or course, that would be impossible because if Cruz were elected president, the pigs would be flying.
Late Night with Seth Meyers
Former Rhode Island governor Lincoln Chafee announced he was running for president last week. And he said he wants the U.S. to switch to the metric system. I’ll start: Lincoln Chafee won’t get within a kilometer of the White House.